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Related article: Date: Thu, 13 Feb 2003 17:15:50 +1100
From: Mark Sullivan
Subject: hazel-and-brown-7Welcome once more.## ##Wednesday night, squash night. I wonder if Micah will come. I
haven't seen him in class yet, but maybe I just didn't notice him.
Although it's hard to believe that his face wouldn't have leaped out
at me, with the tension in my stomach acting like a radar that pulses
more strongly the closer I get to anything connected with him.My stomach's no good at telling the future, though, so I don't know if
he'll be here tonight. I just concentrate on stretching and looking
like I'm calm. Also on keeping my shorts up. I've lost a few kilos.Kevin comes over. I seem to be playing him more often than most of
the others, at least for warming up, but I still don't know him that
well. Maybe Nude Lolita I should make more of an effort to get to know him."So what've you just come from?""Business law. Man, it's fuckin dull, but it'll be worth it when I've
got my six-figure salary at PwC." And he's off, blathering on in the
same vein while he's tying up his shoes. Why did I ask such a lame
question anyway? I feel like I've lost all of my ability to interact
normally with people. I hope Kevin and I go back to our usual rhythm
of unspeaking but comfortable squash playing.So I just mmm and nod, and go onto the court. After a couple of games
I catch sight of Jack out of the corner of my eye, and wave to him.##Next Wednesday night, and Nude Lolita I still haven't seen Micah, in class or
anywhere. He must be getting behind, unless he has someone getting
the notes for him. Not that it's anything to do with me anymore.But tonight he does show up, my eyes and my stomach telling me
simultaneously. He looks briefly over at me, and then away. I don't
know how I can play, but I'm not going to chicken out. So I'm out
onto the court with Wai, and we're playing two minutes later, after a
warmup that he probably found a bit too rushed.It was definitely too rushed for me, because I'm losing 15-6, 15-4.
When did I last play this badly? Every point I'm thinking about
Micah, what he did, what will happen at the end of the evening's
games. I try to pull myself together. I no longer seem to have any
finesse -- not that that was ever my strong suit -- so I compensate by
just forcing myself to go in harder for all of the shots. I end up
winning one game 15-13, but losing the next 15-9.Jack's standing at the top of the court. I wonder how many games he's
seen, and I grimace to him as I leave the court. After a couple of
words with Wai -- he says I mustn't have been having a good night
tonight -- I go over to Jack."I hope you didn't see too many of the games. That's about the worst
I've played since I started.""Just the last couple. I thought you were fine.""You do know the rules, right? You don't get bonus points for missing
the ball or running into the wall.""Want to have a drink, then? Have an excuse for such poor
coordination?" That's a little close to the bone, given how badly I
played, but he's just kidding.I see Micah over Jack's shoulder. He's looking at us. It would be
the easiest way, to just go with Jack, and avoid any possible
confrontation. I really do want a drink as well. But maybe I should
grab the bull by the horns, go over and start the process of making
things normal.But I don't have a choice, because Micah decides right then to leave.
Running after him is going too far, I think."So that would be him, then," says Jack."Yep. That drink is sounding especially good now."There's only one actual pub around here, so that's where we go. Lots
of white collars here from the tech park, but what can you do. I
could be one one day. We pick an outside table, and Jack goes to get
the beer."Hope VB is OK," he says as he comes up behind me. He has a whole jug
of it, so it had better be."Yep."I don't normally drink that much beer -- I'm reminded as I look around
that I don't want a beer gut -- but tonight I'll make an exception.
Especially cause it'll be good to just sit around with Jack and talk.
And talk he does, constantly. It's nice. Maybe he can feel I'd just
like that tonight, a bit uncharacteristically for me. I tell him some
stuff, not deep, just about school, my part-time job Nude Lolita and what's it's
like moving people, mostly the funny and weird stuff you find out
about people when you're packing their things."Hmm. I'd wondered where you got those arms from." We're sitting
together, facing out onto the road. He reaches out and squeezes a
bicep, mostly in that way that guys who go to the gym demonstrate an
aesthetic appreciation of each other's bodies, but not entirely.Jack himself is looking even better than usual, and that's pretty
good. I know even through the beer goggles that it's partly the
drink, partly the rest of my life. But damn his neck looks biteable
at the moment.The jug's almost empty, so I go to get another one.When I get back, Jack says, "So you really liked this guy from
squash?""Yeah. But I'll get over it soon. Maybe by the end of this jug.""I was kinda hung up on a guy once. It lasted for weeks, almost. I
tried to forget it by going home with guys at bars. Even a redhead
once, although I'm not normally into redheads, because I thought it'd
be good to try something different to get my mind off things. Didn't
work though. Well, not at first anyway. But then at a dance party,
suddenly, I was making out with this guy, and I realised it was all
OK. It wasn't just the Es either. I went home with him, and
everything was fine the next day. A good root can solve a lot of
problems, I always say." He looks directly at me. "But I bet
you're a romantic.""Why do you think that?" I spill some of my beer as I put my glass
down too heavily. Be calm, it's not like it was an insult.He just shrugs his shoulders and smiles."I've never given anyone flowers or anything." I look at him, then
away for maybe half a minute. "But yeah, you're probably right."He shakes his head in mock sadness. "Such a waste. I don't think a
therapeutic fuck would work for you the same way it does for me. But
if you ever do want a no-strings-attached ..."And so, funnily, he's actually lessened the sexual tension by talking
about it. It's pretty companionable until the end of the third jug,
when I decide I should go home."So you still owe me a jug then," Jack says smiling."Yep. Whenever you're up for it.""I'm always up for it."Incorrigible. I smile to myself on the bus home.##The next morning I don't feel bad at all, at least not from the beer.
I make a sandwich, pack my notebooks and go out the door.When I do, I almost fall over Micah. He looks like he was dozing
until I opened the door."Hi.""Hi.""Can I come in?"While I'm thinking about it -- do I want him in my home, or should we
go somewhere else? -- he says, "I'm not drunk this time." Then he
pauses. "Um, it's not inconvenient, is it, I mean, there's not
someone else in there, I know the place is small so it might be ...""No, come in."He comes in and sits on the bed. I put down my backpack and sit on
one of the chairs. He looks at his knee."All I want is to say I'm sorry. What I did was ... I don't know how
to say it.""Say it was really shitty.""OK. It was really shitty. Especially with the girl. I didn't even
like her that much, and now I feel bad about doing that to her too.
But not as bad as about you. I don't know what else to say.""Say you're a prick.""I'm a prick. I couldn't ... I wanted to be able to have the same
life I had before, see myself the same way, and it didn't matter if it
hurt you. I mean, it did matter, but I just told myself that it was
more important that ...""Say you're a coward.""I'm --""No, don't say it." It's like I'm holding a knife and stabbing it
into him. Part of me wants to lash out and keep wounding, a strong
part, but he's already down and bleeding. I Nude Lolita
don't want it to be the
way things will be between us, that I'll make him do anything when
he's down. That'd be fatal to any kind of friendship. Mom, that
time, called me Gideon the Unforgiving, and I guess there's truth to
it, but ... I go over and sit on the bed, not near him, one leg over
the edge and the other under it. My eyes are a bit blurry."Look," I say, looking at his knee too. "I've changed my mind about
not being friends. It'll be difficult, I tried it once before and it
didn't work, but maybe it will this time. I really like hanging
around with you, there was really something -- ... anyway, I know that
the way I live my life isn't for everyone, but you don't want your
friends to all be the same anyway."He's silent for a long time, and then we happen to look up from his
knee at the same time. His eyes are kind of wet too.He clears his throat. "I know, after everything, you don't want to
... you don't want for things to be the way they were. But I already
told my mum about everything, not that it was you, but she's probably
guessed, she's good at that. I hope you're not angry about that."He did? I wasn't expecting he'd do that. It took guts; if it'd been
earlier ... if ... I smile, more than a bit rueful. "I can't be angry
about everything, although I guess I give it a good try." Then I
reach out and touch his cheekbone, push a strand of his floppy hair
behind his ear."Hug?"He nods.It's an awkward hug, sitting on the bed like that, so we end up lying
down. I brush a couple more hairs from his cheek."What did your Nude Lolita mum say?"He rolls over onto his back, head still against me. "Not much. She
was pretty quiet, really. It was probably a shock. I'd always been
so ...""Perfect.""Yeah, they thought so. And I liked that they did. She asked if I
still liked girls, and I said I did."He looks at me with his mismatched eyes, hesitant, but I don't care
about that, never have. To want me and noone else, that's all there
is to care about. Just in general, though; it's obviously not the
case here. Who ever says that anyway? "I think the hippy in her will
come out on top. She's cool about everything."I Nude Lolita feel his fingers on my hip. I look down, and my T-shirt's ridden
up. He keeps playing with my skin, making me shiver. Then he moves
in to kiss me.I stop him. "I don't want to do anything that will make you feel
... constrained. I guess there's a lot you want to experience, and I
don't want to stop you. But then we should just be friends.""I don't want anything else. Only you."I kiss him.He takes a breath. Nude Lolita "I'll never do anything like that to you again."The kiss lasts even longer this time."Just so you know this isn't just me saying anything because I want to
get off, we don't have to have sex.""Ever?""Noooo, just now." He lowers his eyebrows in mock annoyance. That's
the moment when things start to feel on the way to OK. Then he
reaches down and feels my cock, which is pretty hard from all his
skin-touching. "But maybe, uh, you could just fuck me, since you're
so ready. I don't have to get off, though."On the one hand, I like the mood now, don't want to lose any of it.
On the other hand, ..."Are you sure? It'll hurt.""Much?""Maybe."He pauses. "Yeah, do it." The expression on his face is stoic. I
guess the whole penance idea comes from the Catholic school.I slowly undo the button of his shorts and slide them off. He's
wearing boxers again, and isn't quite hard. Probably thinking of
what he's let himself in for. Nude Lolita
He takes off his shirt while I slip off
the boxers, and then he lies back down on the bed again, while I reach
over Nude Lolita
and grab the lube from the bedside table drawer. Then it's my
turn to get undressed.I start kissing him, mouth and face and neck and chest, and at first
he's not too responsive, but he's slowly getting into it. I'm lying
on top of him, moving slightly, and I can feel him getting harder.Then I pick up the lube and squirt Nude Lolita
some onto my hand, warming it up on
my stomach. As I go to put some on his hole he spreads his legs. His
hardon has gone down a bit again, but he takes in a sharp breath as I
slowly circle around his hole, and I keep circling while I'm kissing
him again, stomach and legs. Then I slowly push a finger in, so
slowly he doesn't even react. After a much longer time another
finger, and this time he breathes sharply again, so I go back up to
his mouth and kiss again."How do you want me?""Just as you are. Lift your legs a little, maybe." He does. I
position my cock at the entrance, then look at him and smile. When he
smiles back I go in.It's just the head, but he Nude Lolita
takes a deeper breath than before, looking
even more stoic. I wait, more kissing, then continue."I'm all the way in. In you."A little of the stoicism gives way to another emotion, maybe surprise.
I lower myself on top of him completely, touching as much skin as I
can. It pulls me out of him a bit, but there's still enough in there.
Then as I push back, I slide across his cock with my stomach, back and
forward, still kissing him, wanting him to feel the pleasure I do.
Then I hit the spot inside him, and he stiffens, all of him. In
between kisses I smile at him, and the look of stoicism has
disappeared, and he's lost in the feeling. In and out, each time
stroking inside him, he looks at me, flushed, with half-lidded eyes,
and starts to push back against me, harder and stronger.For all that I want him to feel as good as I do, and have his pleasure
last for hours, I'm only human and on top of the sexiest guy in the
world, who's just Nude Lolita smiled at me with the smile I've dropped all my
guard for. And so just before I'm about to come, I reach a hand under
and grasp his cock and give a few strokes, slick with lube.It's not simultaneous. He comes first, neck muscles tightening,
yelling out at the end. And then I do, looking at him.I slip out of him shortly, then just hold him. He looks at me and
smiles, again, I can't imagine being sick of that smile. The
afterwards is the best time when you like the person you're with."Imagine what it'll be like when we have sex where you do want to get
off."##We missed the rest of that day's classes, but we're in the next day.
He stayed at my place again; when he rang his mum, she asked to speak
to me. We didn't say anything much -- "How are things?" "Been a bit
so-so, but pretty good now" -- but that wasn't the point, I guess.We're out the front of the lecture theatre; Gaz is there again, maybe
waiting for the lecture, if he actually goes to it; I don't know,
since he mostly seems to use it as a meeting place to organise touch
footy."So you're looking like you got a piece," he says to Micah."Yeah." Then Micah, after a hesitation, standing a bit behind me,
puts his arms around my neck, and smiles at Gaz.Gaz goes to laugh, then isn't so sure as Micah slips a hand under my
shirt.I wonder if I'm blushing visibly for the first time in my life.## ##
And that's it; it seems the right place to Nude Lolita finish. Since writing is such a
time-consuming process for Nude Lolita
me, I need to get back to actual work :-).
Anyway, thanks again to people who've emailed me (and also to anyone who
hasn't emailed me but who liked the story anyway). Last
comments to mark_410hotmail.com.
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